The Waiting Mother

When I began requesting adoption packets I was not entirely prepared for the beautiful sad faces that would stare back at me. I was not at all prepared for the numbers that I would encounter either, numbers like 25, 14000, 3, and 50-- 25 years old to adopt a child from each agency except 1 (Hope's Promise), 14000 the average price for an international adoption (for the sake of my heart I round up to $25000), 3 the number of years it is expected that a couple should be married before they are allowed to adopt a child, and finally 50 the oldest you can be to adopt a child.

I know that there are many children all over the world needing to be loved, I also know that when a social worker comes into our home, they will not see the love that we can give a child, rather they will see our debt, our one bedroom apartment, our class schedule, and my young age. All of these are just numbers though, and what do numbers have to do with love.

I will adopt because I know that each and every child regardless of their circumstance, their ability, their skin color, or their past deserves to be loved. I will adopt because I know that almost none of the children in orphanages have a chance of being anything more then pimps, prostitutes, drug dealers, or dead. I will adopt because I know that my heart will not rest until I hold in my arms that child that was meant for me, not the child of my womb but the child that God made to fit my heart.

Do not tell me that I am too young, too newly married, too poor, too naive; if anything I am too in love with a child that I do not know, who has not been born but who fits into the curve of my unconventional, passionate, and unworthy heart.

Joys of Marriage

We made a budget...

Now we have to stick to the budget... This budget allows us to save a lot of money to adopt the babies and move to Africa and in essence change the world...

We are not going to like this budget... it does not allow for unlimited visits to Starbucks, renting 10 movies a month, and using the AC without abandon.

The real thought of this post and really our lives is "how should we live" we are not to live as a part of this world which to me means we abandon material possessions, maybe give up one of our 12 yearly vacations and find a more simple way of living. Living simply is very hard.

On one hand I would like to live my life without reservations, throw caution to the wind, on the other hand I know that we will never adopt, or move to Africa if we cannot give up our Starbucks-eating out-movie rental- really good steak- vacationmani lifestyle. So here we are... on a budget.

The end of Ignorance

I remember my life before I acknowledged poverty and genocide and murder and corruption. I remember how easy it was to sleep at night and to turn off the news and to turn my head when injustice was being done. Then the day came that I suddenly acknowledged the pain of the world, the brokenness that abounds in every corner of the globe. What was my life before this realization? I was blissfully ignorant and perhaps sometimes I long for that ignorance again. The fact of the matter is that I cannot now be blind to the world and I cannot now say that I will live in any manner of the ''American dream" as it is so known and sought after. My American dream will happen in years to come as I first teach children who no one else will love, and it will continue as I bring children into my family who do not look like me and who have experienced things that no one should ever know. My family will live in Africa and we will be the refuse of the world, no white picket fence for Ben and I. Rather we may be shot at and we may not live in peace and without fear but the call of this life is not to live safe and not to live comfortable; it is to live without abandon and without reserve. In a few years we will abandon our nice apartment and comfortable jobs with a cereal aisle as long as the eye can see for a life much less safe and much less conventional. Truth be told, ignorance is not bliss because deep down the suffering of the world is in each of our hearts, we may be able to ignore it in our minds but our hearts can sense things that we never imagined to be so.

How I ruined Oliver's Summer

So I take the dog to Petsmart and asked them for a summer cut, when the woman says 1/2 inch I say yes without another thought. Unfortunately 1/2 inch makes him completely naked, I am embarrassed for the dog and I know that I have officially ruined his summer. Poor Puppy!









This is the before picture and above are the after pics! Someday he will look cute again

Crazy Jobs

I just want to know why it is that when you see a child who is screaming in the grocery store we always assume that it is due to poor parenting? One of the kids that I have recently begun working with is severely autistic and when people see him running or hear him screaming they automatically think that the child has been raised poorly. In truth we have lost all sense of tolerance for what is not the norm. These kids have problems that go way beyond parenting and way beyond the comprehension of any individual, why can't we being to tolerate and understand that some people live and think differently. Autism is a strange thing and the more that we can understand and tolerate other people the better we will be at supporting.

Well, we are winding down on our last few weeks of school and boy are we feeling it! It seems as though each day has another challenge especially with all of these big projects that they give right at the end of things. With summer fast approaching is difficult to concentrate on anything but weekends by the pool and vacation time.

Ben will continue to teach over the summer and I will be working with Hadley Rae nearly every day, I will also be taking summer classes, so the promise of finals is not nearly as enticing for me. Luckily the summer will bring some relief since at the beginning of June we will be traveling to South padre Island for some relaxation in the sun.

It is hard to say at this point when either of us will be done with school, I am pushing the envelope so that we can start our family! We are truly blessed to be able to attend school and seek careers that we choose because of our educations. What an amazing time to be middle class white folk!?

Coming Home

Tomorrow Ben and I will begin our trip home. This comes as a relief because we miss our puppy and our bed but it also comes with great sadness. It is an amazing feeling to wake up and see a castle out the window. It brings you into a fairy tale when you see the beauty and history that so surrounds our lives.

I spent a great deal of time being reminded that there is more to this life than what we see or know, so much of today talks about living in the here and now but I cannot imagine the rich pleasure that would be missed if we did not acknowledge our history or bask in the promise of a future. Seeing castles and minsters provides us with a glimpse of beauty that surpasses what this age has known or will ever know.

Going home will be difficult but Ralph Waldo Emerson reminded us in his writings that we cannot abandon our lives even when we take leave of them, our troubles follow us where ever we go.