Thursday, July 31, 2008

The Cost of Affluence

Today I was driving along and considering my life as it stands now... we are wealthy!

Please know that Ben and I do not live in the "lap of luxury" and in fact have been struggling greatly but at the same time, we still have plenty to eat, we have hot water, and electricity...

Enter Guilt!

I feel guilty for the way that I live my life. On one hand we are so blessed and I am so thankful, on the other hand I find myself hating our livelihood. I hate that we do not have to worry about money and food when the majority of the world lives in moderate to extreme poverty.

I feel like this guilt is the punishment for the way that we live and for the knowledge of reality. I cannot live my life without knowing that there are people who cannot live their lives. Maybe my selfish reason for going to Africa is so that I can stop feeling guilty, guilty that I was lucky enough to be born in America to a middle class white family...

I suppose that for the time being I will simply embrace the guilt and hope that it is part of the fire that refines me!

Tappering off

Well, summer is coming to an end which means work for me (Ben's school goes year round) and UCCS again for both of us. I love summer. I love having the time and energy to do anything but come home and collapse, 3 days that are 12 hours long can be very exhausting. To sum up, I will miss the freedom of having my days. This Saturday we will be doing a Run for Rwanda, check out the website at runforrwanda.org!

Now for the update...

Ben's parents are coming next week, which we are incredibly excited for. Starting on Monday the 11th I will go back to work, the crazy part is that I have no idea if I will actually be staying at the school I am at now. If one of our kids does not come back, I have no clue where I will be. Ben has been working with Griffith Centers all summer and he needs another break. Working with kids who are super aggressive can sometimes take a toll on my man (he has a heart of gold, which does not fit his job). One of his bosses told him that he is going to have to start being more of an ass! In late August we will be begin night classes again. Ben is taking 2 classes, one of them until 10pm and I am taking 4 classes that only go until 7. We are excited to be getting to closer to freedom from school.

Our plans for after school look something like this, we would like to move up to Denver so that we can work in the "inner-city" schools and live in a setting where we can really minister to others. After we move to Denver I would like to get my Masters in Counseling (apparently being done with school means nothing in our family)! From Denver it is the desire and purpose of our hearts to take our family to Africa (probably minus Oliver) and serve there for what might be the rest of our days. So there are our updates... nothing to exciting but I really have nothing controversial to post about today : )

Friday, July 25, 2008

I am moving

to the veterinarians office... basically I have been at the vet more then twice per week for the last 3 weeks. I am going a little bit crazy!

Oliver has had the cast and stitches removed but he is even more vulnerable to extended injury now.

Ben and I are now going to have to leave Oliver in his kennel ALL the time!

I will not pretend like I can handle anymore of this... I am not sure that I can handle being a parent, I will kill myself with worry.

My American Struggle

When I wake up everyday, I am humbled.

I am humbled, because I have no idea how to live my life now.

I have this big dream of Africa and helping people there... but until then I need to live that dream in America! How?

Thursday, July 24, 2008

2009 "Vacation"

As many of you know Ben and I are trying to take a trip to Africa next summer, we are going to serve and kind of get our feet wet before we move over there in a few years.

The organization that we are trying to contact right now is in Kenya, it is called AH-GAH-PAY Mercy Children's Center. It is a grass roots orphanage that needs a lot of help with a lot of things. Right now this orphanage is renting a building and they have a massive waiting list of kids who need a place to go. We have not heard from the organization yet but we would be so blessed to go over there and help.

If you want to check out the website or help their cause it is www.amcckneya.org

We are so excited for this opportunity and while we are not looking forward to paying for it or getting the shots we feel so called to go and serve and learn.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

My Soap Box

This morning I was looking at CNN.com and there was a news story about a radio host who claimed that children who have Autism (person first language BTW) are simply trying to get attention or have poor parents... What the heck is he talking about!!!

People who do not understand things should not presume to discuss them! People who have Autism are not diseased, however they do not live a life like everyone else. Luke Jackson says that Autism is "a more extreme form of real-life." As a person who works with people who have Autism I can attest to the fact that it is not poor parenting and not a lack of control, if anything it is that our world is not made for their physiology.

Okay, I will get off my soap box now! Thanks for listening.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Adventures in Cooking

When Ben and I were first married I was going to make alfredo... unfortunately I realized that we only had vanilla soy milk (Ben is lactose intolerant) so I figured "The vanilla flavor cannot be so strong that it would ruin the flavor of the alfredo"...

I have NEVER been so wrong!!

Ben still ate it and he insists that it was good, I know that he was lying! It tasted awful!

So today I bought a cook book called "4 ingredient dinners in 30 minutes" I think that this is something that I will actually be able to do! I will keep you updated on my adventures in cooking real food... although I am still a fan of mac n' cheese and the easy pizza or skillet dinner!

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Rethinking Christianity

I am reading a book (this is Ben by the way) by Brian McLaren called "Everything Must Change: Jesus, Global Crises, and a revolution of hope". This has been a wonderful and challenging book to read. In the beginning of the book McLaren recalls a trip he took to Africa to meet with a group of local pastors. The following is what one of the pastors had to say about modern evangelical Christianity and what church leaders were doing in his area:

"You pastors are causing such destruction in Khayelitsha. It reaches to the skies. I know you mean well, but you don't realize that you cause devastation in the lives of the people among whom I work. You come in to Kayelitsha every Sunday to set up your tents, which is good, but I have listened to your preaching, and you are preoccupied with three things, and three things only. First you constantly talk about healing. You tell people they can be healed of HIV, and some of them believe you, so they stop taking their medication. When they stop, they develop new resistant strains of the disease that don't respond as well to the medications, and they spread these tougher infections to other people, leaving then much sicker than they were before. Then you're always telling the people they need to be born again, but after they're born again on Sunday, they're still unemployed on Monday. They may be born again, but what good is that if their problems are the same as before? You know as well as I do that if they're unemployed, they're going to be caught in the poverty web of substance abuse, crime and gangs, domestic violence, and HIV. What good is that? All this born-again talk is nonsense. Then what do you do? After telling these desperately poor people to get born again and healed, you tell them to tithe. You tell them to 'sow financial seed' into your ministries and they will receive a hundredfold return. But you're the only ones getting a return on their investment. You could be helping so much. You could motivate people to learn employable skills, you could teach them and help them in so many ways, but it's always the same thing: healing, getting born again, and tithing."

In recent years, I have realized that modern evangelical Christianity needs to change drastically. While there are a lot of good things that are a part of it, I believe that it needs to go beyond a promise of future security. It should motivate people to care for the poor and meet people's physical needs as well as spiritual needs. Jesus commands us to care for the needs of the poor and that is what he actually did with his life. I hope that Sarah and I learn to do this in our everyday interaction with other people. I am excited to discover more about what it really means to live as Christ did.

Our Purpose

We created this blog to share with people the things that are on our mind and on our heart. It is not my intention to judge any individuals or put down any person and their own hopes, passions, and purposes. This blog is about the hearts of two young people and while we may not always be appropriate or well behaved we are real and true to ourselves and our hearts.

I suppose that I should be a bit more careful with the things that I post on the internet, but the truth is that I have never been very good with censoring myself!

Each and every day I give my heart back to God and discuss with him the manner in which I was meant to live, thankfully the things of that depth in my heart are meant only for God.

In Matthew it says that what we speak comes from the overflow of the heart (don't have a bible with me otherwise I would quote exactly, maybe later I will), and how my heart overflows! My heart overflows with sadness for a broken world, my heart overflows at the pain that people experience everyday, my heart weeps for genocide, rape, torture, disease, but mostly for the inability that people possess to see the beauty in our differences and the diversity of our world. When I think of this hurting world I am often brought to physical tears, not because I think it is hopeless but because I know there is hope and redemption from the King... I hope that I am a tool in bringing on this redemption.

My purpose has always been clear... my purpose will remain clear as long as I let my heart be guided by a God who loves a broken world. Jesus did not die for me so that I could live in the bonds of comfort but so that I could bring about his kingdom and I am going to do my best in my narrow understanding of God to carry out his purpose in my actions..

The Reason


Part of the reason Ben and I fell in love is because we both had a heart for Africa and education and individuals who have disabilities. It was amazing to find a man whose heart was so knit to mine before we had even met.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Redefining the American Dream

When Ben and I talk about our "American Dream" it has nothing to do with owning a house, a white picket fence, or the perfect 2.5 kids.

We want a challenge. We want adventure. We want danger. In reading "Captivating" and "Wild at Heart" as well as several other books I have discovered that we are not meant to live this life of comfort and ease, but rather we are meant to live dangerously!

I worry about moving to Africa, not because I think that something will happen to me (my life is of no use to me if I am cautious with it) but because I worry about losing Ben, being raped, or having something to happen to my children. But if I let these things hold me back, if I let my fear restrict my passion then I am simply falling to the lies of this world! The lies that no one is worth the things that I have to sacrifice. My husband is not MINE, he was a gift given to me by God and really he is on loan to me while we are on this earth. My children are not my own, because as soon as the come out of me or are brought to me they belong back to their maker. So in looking at the people in my life in this manner I realize that I cannot keep them because as soon as I let them go I will truly live.

Monday, July 14, 2008

With What We Know

How do we live?

Ben and I have always wondered how we are meant to live in this world... obviously we are supposed to live in the way that Christ lived but how do we truly live that out.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Preparation

Well, in light of this last week I think I can safely say that I am semi-prepared for what it might be like to be a parent... I did not shower, had no sleep and felt utterly worried at every moment

As I reflect on this past week and my relationship with my husband I know that we are partners till the end, even in the moments when things were very difficult we came together to support each other and encourage each other. When one of us was struggling the other was strong and vice versa.

Our first year of marriage has been filled with struggles, but mostly internal struggles with our own souls not outward struggles of attack.

Struggling is a part of life and I think that we are a bit more prepared for the outward struggles that come from every day life.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Home Sweet Home

Oliver is home!!!!!

After lots of driving and lots of money our littlest, hairiest family member is home!!

This is not done because we will still have to have check ups for the seizures and have the plate removed from his leg but it seems so much less huge now that he is home and with us

My mother keeps telling me that this is great training for parenting... I am not sure I can handle this again

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

The Last 24 hours

life has been a little insane

at 12:30 Oliver had a seizure, which is the most traumatizing thing I have ever experienced and I have seen seizures before

at 5:30 he had another seizure and so spent the night on seizure watch at the emergency vet

at 1:30am had another seizure

today he is at our vet, trying to figure out if he will need leg surgery and why he is having seizures

it sounds even a little crazy to me that we would do all of this for a dog but we love him and sitting here at home without him snuggling my leg makes me weep

i guess it is true that you don't know what you have until it is gone... normal life and my sweet little companion are gone

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Pictures



One Year Later

On a happier note, today is our 1 year wedding anniversary!

One year ago today we made a promise to each other, that promise is

"I promise to support your dreams and encourage you to pursue the joys of your soul. I promise to walk beside you on this adventure, as we celebrate our joys and weather our storms. I will never waiver from your side. I promise that each day I will try to be my best for you, and tell you how much I love you. I promise that as the years go by I will never stop loving you, I will be your spouse, your friend, your confidant and your ever present love. I promise that from this moment forward, you and only you will hold my heart."

This is more true today then it was the first time we spoke it to each other. Love is not a feeling, it is a promise and a commitment. Each day I love my husband because I vowed to love him and be with him for every day from here on out. 1 year has taught us a lot and we certainly have a lot more to learn, thankfully life is about lessons and we were ready for the hardships when we began.

Song of Songs 8: 6-7 "Place me like a seal on your heart, like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death, and its jealousy is as enduring as the grave. Love flashes like fire, the brightest kind of flame. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can rivers drown it. If a man tried to buy love with everything he owned, his offer would be utterly despised."

How Oliver Ruined His Own Summer

Ok... I would post pictures but it is really too sad to post pictures about

Oliver fractured his left front leg last night, we were at the emergency vet until after 12am

Now he cannot really walk all that well and he whines,l right now he is just laying on my lap sleeping. At least one of us is going to sleep. I started my summer class last night and how adding this is it is going to be a busy summer.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Take up your Cross

What does that truly mean... how does one go about taking up the cross and following?

This morning I was watching "Good Morning America" (I know... lame) and this young girl convinced her family to sell their mansion and give the money to people in Ghana, they gave over 1 million dollars. If you ask me, that is what it means.

Taking up ones cross means that there cannot be any extra luggage, the cross is hard, heavy, and painful but if one chooses to take it up they must have been previously stripped bear of all other things.

I imagine that it is like running naked... let me explain

You are embarrassed, set apart, alone (except the father), without creature comforts, and certainly being stared at!

Living a life like Jesus is not easy, was Jesus life easy? In reading Matthew with Ben I realize that I cannot live like Jesus when I am tied down by the world.

I want to pick up my cross, but am I capable?

Thursday, July 3, 2008

We Can't Change the World

But we sure want to!

Ben and I want to try to change the world by teaching on a continent where only half of the children are enrolled in Primary school.

I want to get my degree in counseling and counsel women who have been raped, children involved in genocide, and people who are dying from AIDS.

A new dream is that we have a hospice where people from the streets can come to die instead of dying alone on the streets.

Finally, since Ben will not let me adopt all of the parent-less children in the world (not that we could anyways) we may open an orphanage.

These are our dreams... this is our heart... until we are there living this life we will be restless...

This will not be easy... it will not be safe... but we MUST go and change the world

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

The End of Poverty?

I am reading a book called "The End of Poverty" sounds pretty impossible right!?

Not according to the author who says that we can conceivably see the end of poverty by the year 2025!!! Can you believe that 2025!

This is not by rich people giving their money or anything like that but really by the world taking the course that it is already taking! By "sweatshops" and "out-sourcing" and all of these other things that I had always believed to be bad and wrong.

What is really good and what is really right for the world? How can we make the difference that we need to make and how can we support a world economy and help to change the world? According to this book we let the world take its course and remember that at one time the US was made of sweatshops (read The Jungle to find out about this) and that we were where the out-sourcing went and now we are certainly an economy to be reckoned with.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

The Sands of Africa

Ben and I are looking at taking a trip next summer and thinking that perhaps we will go without an organization so that we can have flexibility. We have several friends who have been to Sierra Leone and have connections with grass roots movements that we would so love to be a part of.

What do we do?? Where do we go??? How are we meant to make a difference??

I know that Ben and I cannot change the world but I think that if we can show other people how to live and give... then we can change the world!