I love weekends.
I love sleeping in, and watching my husband make breakfast, I love hot coffee and good book in my PJ's.
While it is not my favorite part, I do get to look back on the week and recall each day.
Weeks like this last one, I would just assume forget, but really I learned alot about each of my students.
I learned that when your home life is hell, you would rather throw things then go back to it, I learned that these kids don't trust because they have never been able to rely on any adults in their lives.
I learned that no matter how much I want to, I can only help them at school and to be frank I do not want to take any of them home with me.
My understanding of the world is so narrow, my experience is just a sliver of what the world is really made up of.
It makes me wonder at God's purpose for all of this, giving my kids hope is one thing when they are safe at school, it is another when they are at home and nothing is certain, it is another thing in their memories and childhoods.
My hope is that God meant for the world to be redeemed and so even though I cannot change the world, perhaps I can change my own heart to reflect his love into the hearts of our future. From where I sit, things look pretty dim, it is up to me to be the light.
I love these kids despite our bad days, I love them because of their sweet hearts and innocent abandon. I think they love me, even though they have made every effort not to, and I think when I come into work every Monday they trust me a little more because the week before did not phase me.
I will walk in on Monday and I WILL smile and I WILL say "good morning" because me weekend was a heck of a lot better then theirs.

Hadley Rae

For 10 years now I have known a beautiful young woman named Hadley Rae.
She has impacted my life in a way that I cannot even describe... When I am with Hadley I realize how little impact my life has made but I acknowledge how much more I could do. With her bright smile and little laughs I was always able to readjust my thinking to the external. As with all people, someday Hadley will go to the Lord, that day may be soon or it may be years from now. Whenever Hadley takes her leave of this ridiculous life, I hope she knows how much she meant to me and how much I will miss her.
Knowing Hadley helped me know myself better. Hadley is the reason that I will teach Special Needs Children, she is the reason that I will adopt orphans and she is the reason that I will always remember God sacrifice for me.

Thank you Hadley for the amazing impact you had on my life, I will always remember and cherish your spirit. You changed me and I am forever thankful!

Oliver's Final Surgery... we hope

On Thursday, Oliver had surgery to remove the plate!

He is doing really well, having a hard time getting comfortable but he should be back to normal in just a week or two. This comes as quite a relief... we never expected that our dog would have such extensive medical needs. While he is still on seizure meds, it is nice to think that we might actually be able to let him play without cringing.

"If we could have stopped Rwanda?"

Tattle Tails

I am sitting here, watching the debates, and irregardless of who I am going to vote for, I wish that they would stop finger pointing... I swear, it is like watching 3 year olds tell a story.

What I am looking for is not who voted for what when and how many times... I am wanting to know what these men will do to change the world! What are they going to do about education, poverty, international relations, health care, and all the other issues... stop pointing your fingers! Ridiculous!

Can I Make A Difference?

I want thinking today about some of the kiddos that I work with and my heart broke!

The lives that these children have lived are so far beyond anything that I can fathom... abuse, neglect, continuing abuse, continuing neglect... I cannot fathom their lives and I cannot change them either.

I cannot hold these kids while they cry, I can't tell them that it is going to be okay because the truth is that it may not be. These children may never have the life that I want to give my children, they may never know the love of their parents or the love of themselves. Everyday when I deal with a tantrum or worse I realize that this is not a result of their "disability" but a result of their circumstances. When I hear their stories and watch their anger boil out of control I cannot understand this world that we live in.

Each time I consider their lives I also consider my own children... I sometimes feel like it would be selfish of me to have my own children when there are so many children in their world whose lives are just like the lives of these kiddos. How can I bring more lives into the world and shower my love on them when there are so many who have no love to speak of. How can I best change the lives of the kids and kids in the future?

How can I change the world? How can I love like Jesus loved when they are screaming in my face? I want to change the world... will I ever be able to do that?